Doubts, when you move to something new


This last week I have been in 7 minds, because I knew that my time I Mandrem Beach, was about to end, I felt that I was in need of a change.

Everything in Mandrem was about to close down for this season, and the hole city was almost oozing of heavy energy, as more and more shops gradually was closing down and the craftsmen- and ladies was starting a noise of reconstructing and building  hotels which already was there, and new big amazing ones to be finished at the start of next season.

The street in Mandrem Beach where everyone is calling for me with their “madam, come and look my shop” and my almost as boring answer to them “Sorry, no more space in my suitcase”. Every one of the shop owners knew, that I wasn´t going to buy anything, but they also knew, that there would not, be many more customers this season, cause the stillness slowly got more and more noisy.  So they took every chance for sale they had, and when I answered them, they only was smiling and laughing. Sometimes it felt like one big joke between us.

The friends, I through the years have found in this small city, also knew it was time for me to go on my journey. They knew it was a question about days, before they were going to say goodbye for a half or a hole year. But they also knew, that this was not only about a goodbye to me, but also to all of the citymembers, because most of the people from the shops and restaurants, are only here for the season, then they have to return to their homes in Nepal, Delhi, Rishikesh, Mumbai, Karnataka and Kerala, cause they are from so different places in India.

They are all travelling to Mandrem Beach, when every new season begins, and at the end of season, they need to go home and spend 4-5 month with their family,

And for my relations at Ashiyana Yogacenter (which almost has been my home every year in February in the last 6 years) So is it almost the same, her are most of them working as season workers. All of them, there clean the place, make our food and spoils us every day, will soon be going home to their family. This also concerns the yogateachers and the therapists. Only few of the caretakers are staying to rebuilt for next season, and this also applies for some of the directors.

So everything are oozing of completion after a busy season and for me, well, I had now to figure out what my next step should be, and that ended up to be, that I was going for Palolem and Patnem, where too, I arrived yesterday after 2,5 hours in a hot taxi from Mandrem J

Palolem Beach

 So now I am landed and will be writing in present tense, well, sort of I believe ha ha ha J

I must tell you, that here is a total other atmosphere than in Mandrem, here are full of foreign  tourists like Englishmen and Germans, not many French people nor Danes. But there are also a lot of Indian people on holidays as well. This is a very busy beach and the members of the city are busy recruiting customers to all their guesthouses and to see, that everyone can get fish for dinner each night. Her has also started up a new tourist attraction like taking tourist out sailing to see dolphins, snorkeling and to look at the cliffs.

Here is incredible beautiful, but the ocean, air, and all human beings are otherwise busy and everything is oozing of our usual european lifestyle for an holiday. This phenomena will (well I believe) ufortunately also come to my loved Mandrem Beach within the next few years.  It is still possible to bagain about the prices here and it´s now possible (due to the end of season) to find a beachhut for a price as low as 500 Rs, that will be around 6 english pounds, If you do not care about the quality.

However, I don´t believe this place contains my needs of energy and air, so tomorrow I will be going to look at Patnem beach, there should be more peacefully.

BUT about the doubts, I started to write about, so it is about “what now, where to go, because I am not going back to an job, instead I am on a journey to see and feel foreign culture. I know I am on my way to Kerala, Amritapuri Ashram from next Saturday, where I again will be experiencing new things and places and meet new people. But still I feel this doubt there are whispering to me:

Do I do the right thing? Do I have the right to receive this luxury, and do as I want? Am I just as worthy as everybody else, who need to go home to attend a job? Am I ready to defy my insecurity and fears for all new? And what about my fear for spiders, other insects and hights, will I be able to handle these fears? What will I meet at these new places?

Is it this fear there is doing, that I am biting my teeth through the nights, so I already had been to a dentist, cause I broke a tooth a few days after arriving and had to get a root canal treatment. Well now I can tell you, that Indians are professionel dentist as well in Denmark. Nobody should ever be afraid to go a dentist here, there is no hocus pocus, they did a good job.

In fact, I am in no doubt that it is my fear, of all the unknown there did the dentist to an reality, because every morning when I wake up, I have pain in my teeth, so I know, that I buckle and bite together during the nighttime. How ever I also believe, that as soon I have a room in the ashram, I will find peace to go deep and let every doubt go away.

I am really happy that life has be giving me this chance to travel, meet new friends, create new connections, to learn and discover the real Ayurvedic lifestyle and to grow into doing this blog and in long term to be able to write my book.

I am really thankful to my children, family, friends, yogi´s for being there for me, and to make this journey possible ❤ In same time has the universe, my guardian angels, and my inner universal God, shown me through all the things, there fall into place, before I went from home, that this journey has been planned all the time. It was however just a question, about time when I was ready to integrate it into my life. , and in a long term, it seems like I am going to create connections between my place to study, Amritapuri and the Danish people, create retreats and spread my knowledge about hole human being.

Life is af huge and exciting journey, if you dare to receive it. I am so happy and thankful that I dare to take this gift.

In light & love, namasté 🙏❤

Lilly Acacia

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